“Peter approached Jesus and asked him, ‘Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.'” (Mt 18:21-22).
Dear Marian Helpers and Members of our Marian Family,
Quite understandably, we all want to be forgiven. Sometimes though, ironically, we don’t want to forgive.
If we live long enough, we’ll experience many times when people fail us, hurt us, or say mean, rude, nasty, or even untrue things about us. People will take our words and use them against us or they’ll take our actions and misconstrue them. Sometimes people are just plain selfish and do whatever they want, not caring about the consequences.
After a while, these experiences can take their toll mentally, physically, and spiritually. We begin to keep a record of who hurt us and how many times. We play over and over in our heads those moments of hurt and sometimes also say, over and over, just how much we’ve been hurt. Understandable, yes, but probably not a healthy practice.
Now, if we have been hurt in ways that are traumatic and life-altering, I encourage you to seek professional therapy and help. There is great healing in being able to speak to someone who can help walk you through this hurt and process it in healthy ways.
We also need to turn to the Lord and ask for His Spirit to come down upon us, to heal us and give us strength. We pray for ourselves, for all those who have been hurt and for those who have hurt them. That also means that we need to pray for those who have hurt us.
Finally, we need to ask God for the grace of forgiveness, meaning that we ask Him to help us forgive those who have sinned against us, in big ways or small.
Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is an act of the will. I choose to forgive such-and-such a person, even if I really don’t want to. And I will continue to choose to forgive them, day after day after day.
Of course, forgiveness doesn’t mean letting down the healthy boundaries that we’ve established. It doesn’t mean pretending that what happened was okay or allowing someone to hurt us again. It does mean, however, that we need to start letting go of unhelpful thought processes and unhealthy attitudes. If we hold onto anger and resentment, it festers within us and can turn us into angry people. And no one wants to be an angry person…or be around one.
Instead, we turn to the Lord and ask for His help and forgiveness, for ourselves and for all people. As we pray for one another, we find healing and hope. As we forgive one another, we open our hearts more fully to the forgiveness that we ourselves seek.
May God bless you now and always!
Fr Alex Pumphrey, MIC
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Contact Father Alex at info@divinemercy.org.uk
Please send us your prayer intentions! (click here). We will place them at the foot of our altar in our Chapel here in West Ealing, London and will remember them in our daily Chaplets of Divine Mercy.
